December 2015 – the end – Four Shreddings and a Numeral by Martin Bolton

Four Shreddings and a Numeral

by Martin Bolton

The waiter at the Swindon Travelodge was strangely nervous. Sweat glistened on his twitching brow.

“I’ll have the lasagne,” said Simon.

“The… the lasagne,” the waiter tugged at his collar with one bony finger and gave a maniacal, high-pitched cackle. “You’re… you’re absolutely sure you want the lasagne.”

“Yes please.”

“I recommend the fish and chips,” argued the waiter. Perspiration poured freely down his face.

“The lasagne please.” Continue reading

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October 2013 – “Stephen Fry” – Breakfast with Fry by Paul Evans

Breakfast with Fry

by Paul Evans

… so after AJ specifically instructed me to book the Eastern Standard Kitchen’s private dining area for brunch – which I dutifully did – I’ve just been publicly humiliated for doing so by the same man! I am so angry. But AJ is a direct, red-meat, patriotic success. I am his apologetically English subordinate. Impotent arousal fuels my shame. With pressurised facial capillaries, I negotiate an alternative (but undoubtedly more public) table while our guest recharges himself outside with another cigarette.

Boston’s ‘Kitchen’ is my favourite place for brunch, although I rarely get the opportunity. Its voluminous space (standfast the private area which prompted the recent claustrophobia jest from our celebrity), long bar and bulbous ‘Spielberg UFO’ lighting are paradoxically homely; while the reassuringly pricey and slick menu is reflected by the clientèle. Continue reading