December 2015 – the end – Worm by Simon Evans

Worm

by Simon Evans

This sorry tale all started when I went to Specsavers for a routine eye check. They found some sort of ‘shadow’ or ‘blemish’ or ‘scarring’ behind my left eye. The follow up appointment at the Eye Hospital involved no small amount of head scratching and reassuring vagueness. Ultimately I was told not to worry but that they had to keep an ‘eye’ on it (ha ha). The following year I was told that the shadow had grown and that there was ‘cause for concern’. During the months following this check-up I began to experience dizziness and occasional blurring of vision. A blind patch was appearing. My dreams were becoming more confused and vivid. I was worried. Continue reading

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November 2015 – inside out – The Team Leader by Simon Evans

The Team Leader

by Simon Evans

Twas the night before Christmas and I was just finishing stacking the dishwasher. My daughter entered the kitchen holding a glass of wine and placed her free hand on my shoulder.

“Come on Dad, the kids are waiting. It’s story time.”

“Well I shouldn’t keep them waiting then!”

I grinned from ear to ear and walked through to the living room. My grandchildren were sat, all three of them, beaming in front of the Christmas tree. Continue reading

October 2015 – new beginning – Ken Lee by Simon Evans

Ken Lee

by Simon Evans

Ken Lee sat in his favourite armchair; it was Christmas Day so he wore a purple paper crown on his old, grey head. At his feet sat his three daughters – Glenda, Rita and his youngest, prettiest daughter, Carol.

“Right you lot, I’m off to bed soon as I’m quite pissed. Whoever gives the best speech about how great I am and how much you love me will be given the last present – the doll’s house made of whale bone.” Continue reading

September 2015 – close shave – Liar House by Simon Evans

Liar House

by Simon Evans

‘Right then Ladies and Gents, settle down. Ladies!? Gents?! A bit of quiet please.

Thanking you.

Welcome to Liar House. Welcome to your Volunteering Day.

Have any of you been here before?

Hmmn, a few nods. Well you’re all looking fit and ready and all set to get put through your paces.

Well, firstly I must introduce myself. My name is Ron Thatch and I’m the Deputy Liaison Warden here at Liar House. I’ve worked here in one capacity or another for over thirty five years. I started off, believe it or not, as a car park warden. I controlled the parking here for twenty two years before moving on to Guest Liaison. I’d guestimate that I’ve helped literally thousands of people park their cars in the main car park here at the house. That’s a lot of cars! Continue reading

August 2015 – climate change – Bob by Simon Evans

Bob

by Simon Evans

When I walked out of prison there was no one there to meet me. Mind you, I didn’t expect there to be. Not after what I did.

There was something rather refreshing though, something rejuvenating, about having a clean slate. Plus, I had no desire to see my own harrowing guilt looking back at me from the eyes of my so called nearest and dearest.

I had been planning my release day for some time. I intended to catch a random selection of buses to start my new life somewhere truly new to me. I caught a 41 bus from outside the prison and travelled one stop. There I caught a number 18 and travelled two stops. Then a number 24 took me three stops. I continued this process until I travelled seven stops on the number 8. I arrived, in light drizzle, in a dull town I had never been to or heard of. I was happy. Continue reading

June 2015 – funeral pyre – Cockney Cops in Space by Simon Evans

Cockney Cops in Space

by Simon Evans

“Just because it’s the future, it don’t mean I can’t deal with fings my way, the old, tried and tested facking way,” screamed Jack Deeney, Cockney cop.

“You’re a dinosaur, Deeney. Shape up or shit off,” replied Brian McGiving, the sharp suited, younger but senior cop.

“You’re doing my facking swede in, McGiving. What you want me to do? Corner the Alien bastard and make ‘im a cup o’ tea? Give ‘im a bunch of bleedin’ roses?”

“Shape up, Deeney. You’ve got twenty four space hours to shape up, or you’ll be back on terra firma shovelling paperwork before you can say interplanetary transfer.”

“Fack orf”. Continue reading