by John Pilling
On the endless plain of loneliness where the winds of sorrow and emptiness tear at my soul, the vampyrs shriek “despair! despair!” But deep deep down is the red red rage at the creation that builds you to love only to tear it away and feed on your pain.
Tiny against the empty vastness, man squalls his anger. Well may the Universe tremble, it grows old and fearful. Hate is young, hate is strong, hate knows no fear, no boundaries… no limits.
Oh yes, I thought, that’s brilliant, no boundaries… no limits, this is good stuff, the best I’ve written so far. Slowly I re-read it, I loved it.
“Charlie, Charlie.” My mother’s voice.
“What are you doing up there?”
“I’m on my laptop.”
“You’re not watching that dirty stuff again are you?”
“You know dad said he’d confiscate your computer if he caught you again?”
Oh I don’t think so, I say to myself, not if he knows what’s good for him.
Dad is always threatening things like that, he’s a right pain. I’m fourteen, nearly, but he still treats me like a child, they both do. Why can’t they just leave me alone?
He’s always going on about what he used to do at my age, as if I’m in the slightest degree interested, always telling me what I should be doing. HE didn’t waste his life fiddling around on a computer, oh no, HE was always out playing healthy sports, always winning of course.
Well, if he tries to take my computer away he’ll be sorry, I’ll put some sugar in his petrol tank, or a potato up the car exhaust pipe, that’ll give him something to think about.
I know lots of things like that, I found this wicked site about how to get back at people that upset you.
Mum’s just as bad, telling me what I can and can’t do all the time. She’s always asking me why I don’t have my friends round. What does she expect me to say? I haven’t got any friends. Well I haven’t, so who cares, I don’t. I don’t want any friends, except Lorraine that is.
I saw Lorraine in school again today, we were both in the same sociology class, I had a bag of cheesy puffs and offered her one but her friend took it and said Lorraine didn’t want one. Greedy fat cow, she’s always with Lorraine, they’re best friends. I bet Lorraine would have taken one if it hadn’t been for fatty but she just looked at me and started giggling. I wanted to ask her to sit next to me but not with Miss fat cow donkey ears listening.
I really like Lorraine, she’s really pretty with long blonde hair. I dream about her sometimes.
We had a class discussion today all about poor people in Africa and how we should send them money and stuff, I don’t think so. There were lots of pictures showing the men just sitting around smoking and drinking coffee all day but when I said it would help if they got off their arses and did some work nobody agreed with me.
Mr Wright told me off for swearing and when I asked him WHY they didn’t work he said it was their culture. When I said, well that’s very convenient, James said I was a stupid twit. I’m going to do something about him, I saw Lorraine giggling when he said that. Mr Wright told him off as well but I could tell that he really agreed with him. I don’t care.
I Googled how to buy a gun tonight, but you can’t do it in this country any more. I wish I lived in America, you can buy anything there, machine guns, assault rifles, just go into a shop and ask for them. That would make them sit up in school if I took a machine gun in….Miss fat cow donkey ears and James would be the first ones I’d blow away. I bet Lorraine would come out with me like a shot then. We could have a great time…just the two of us.
I took a knife from the kitchen into school today. I had it in the waistband of my trousers with the handle under my blazer. Sorted James out, he’s really scared of me now. I came up behind him in the toilets and showed him the knife, I said if he called me names again I’d cut him. He went all white and shaky and said he was sorry….fixed him good.
Fantastic news !!! the class is going on a trip and Lorraine is going to sit next to me on the bus. I asked her today just after I’d frightened James and I felt really tough, she went red and giggled a bit then said yes. Can’t wait for tomorrow.
Bastard bastard bastard , why is it always me? Woke up this morning with huge red spots all over my nose, I can’t let Loraine see me like this, I look like a bloody alien. I told Mum I didn’t feel well so I’m not going on the trip…she didn’t understand why I was upset, even when I said about sitting with Lorraine…she said.
“Never mind there’ll be other trips.”
Parents are useless, they know nothing about life.