May 2013 – “dive in” – Live, Kill, Die, Live by Martin Bolton

Live, Kill, Die, Live

by Martin Bolton

Dive in. No, don’t dive in. Just get the fish. Get the fish. Just get the fish. The water’s cold. You don’t like the water but you want the fish. It’s moving! Get it! Get it! Don’t get wet, you don’t like the water! Just get the fish. Get the fish. Get the fish! It is very important you get the fish.

It is slightly out reach now. If you try and get the fish less of the warm rock will be against your back. You like warm rocks. You like basking in the sun. You like fish. You don’t like water. What are you going to do?

Get the fish.

Stay on the rock.

Hang on. Hang on a minute. What’s that? Over there on the leaf. Its a fly. Get the fly. Get the fly. You can get the fly if you want. Go on. Get it. Get the fly.

What’s that noise? Its that bloke shouting again. He’s always shouting. You don’t like it when he shouts. Stay here on the rock. You like it on the rock. That’s him there in the window. He looks angry. He always looks angry. He is angry and he breaks things. Stay out of his way. Stay in the sun on the rock. If he comes out here get up a tree. He won’t come out.

Hang on, he’s opening the door. You better get up a tree, he’s letting that stupid bloody dog out. Ha! He kicked the bugger! Brilliant. Get up a tree! Get up a tree!

That’s better. Look at that stupid dog, barking his stupid head off. He can’t climb trees. He doesn’t even bury his shit. The stupid, dirty bastard.

That bloke is shouting a lot today.

Hang on, he’s stopped. That’s odd, he stopped shouting very suddenly.

Stupid dog is still barking though.

Hang on a minute. Is that a bird? Get the bird. You want the bird. You’ve got birds before. You never get the fish but you can get birds. Get the bird. Just get the bird.

* * * *

Brilliant! It’s the world again! You were here earlier! Brilliant! The world! It’s the world! You’re hungry. You can smell bacon. Find the bacon! Find the bacon! Just find the bacon! You’re hot! You’re hungry! You’re itchy! Brilliant!

The people are moving upstairs. You need to be with the people. You love the people, even the angry one! He’s coming! He’s coming down the stairs! Wait here for him! He’ll be here any minute. Maybe he’ll give you some bacon.

You’re not so sure about this now. He’s angry again, you can tell. He’s shouting again. Oh no, he’s angry. You’re not safe! Get away! He’ll kick you again! Quick! The door! Why does he hurt you? Why does he hurt your mum? Quickly, the door! The door! The door is shut! Scratch it! Scratch the door! He’s coming! He’s shouting! He’s going to hurt you!

He’s opening the door! Brilliant! Its the garden! Its the garden. You love the garden! You love it! It smells of the world! All the stuff that’s in the world! Ow! That hurt! That really hurt!

Cat! Cat! Get the cat! Get the cat! Just get the cat! You hate the cat! You hate the cat! Kill the cat! He’s gone up the tree. Bark at him! Yeah! Bark at him!

Hey look, a fish! Brilliant!

* * * *

You’re a bastard. You smell. Look at yourself. Look what you’ve done. You’ve punched her again. She deserved it. She knows when she is winding you up and she won’t stop, she pushed you to it. You’re the victim here.

You’re not the victim. You’re a bastard. You’re a coward, you punch your wife because you’re a coward and you can’t control yourself. She’s crying. You can hear her crying upstairs. You can hear it and it hurts you, so why does she do it?

Bloody dog! Always in the way! Tell it to get out the way. Kick it out the way.

She’s not really crying, she’s doing it to hurt you. She knows it hurts you. Shout at her again. That’s it, shout at the bitch. Have another drink of whiskey. You like the whiskey. Maybe you like the whiskey a little bit too much. It is the whiskey that has made you like this. She was right, your wife, she was right about you being a useless stinking drunk. You’re scum. Why don’t you throw that whiskey away and start again. It isn’t too late to stop being such a bastard.

Bollocks, you’re a man, you’ll do what you want. No one tells you what to do. If you want to drink whiskey then so be it. No wonder you punched her again, always telling you what to do. This is your house.

Hang on what’s that? Fuck, it hurts. You’re neck is hurting. There’s blood all over you. You’re feeling a bit weak. Its your blood! Its everywhere. That was a bit sudden, turn around! Turn around! Quicker. Its her! She’s got a knife, she’s covered in blood too! Its your blood!

She is screaming a lot.

That bloody dog is barking as well.

Getting very dark now. You better lie down. You’re dying.

Tell her you’re sorry before you die. Oh no, you can’t speak.

Just die then.

Just die.

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